Yesterday, I attended an interview with 48 hours notice, armed with a bag full of books and a hastily thrown together presentation that I had practiced awkwardly in the mirror in a whispered voice until the early hours. I'd pretend that this is a life lesson about not doing things - like applications for the career you have wanted since you were 6 - at the last minute... but I am self aware enough to know I'd only be lying to myself! I was put the most intensive screening process I have ever experienced and walked away two hours later mentally exhausted, emotionally drained and convinced I had horribly embarrassed myself. Which is why, when the email pinged on my phone 90 minutes later, I suddenly squealed and burst into tears of joy and relief in middle of the street, accidentally scaring the teenage boy walking past!
I am so incredibly happy, proud and thankful to share I have been accepted onto my first choice teacher training course starting in September! This moment has been 9 years in the making starting when I paused my life after I fell pregnant with my eldest I was 7 months into my 'gap year' with an unconditional place at Wrexham Glyndwr University waiting for me. At the time, so many people warned me I was ruining my life when I made the choice not to take that place and instead start a family with the nerdy boy I met at school. Letters were written by our elders expressing their disappointment and playing the blame game. Heated, hushed conversations amongst family members that stopped when one of us walked in the room. The concerned look of friends whose facial expressions betrayed them on hearing the news. Yet the decision was made in my heart, even if I had to do it alone. So together, us three, began a very different journey than the one we set out on 7 months previous - with him already at university and me learning how to be a mum barely old enough to know how hard it would be. But that's a story for a different day...
But, if you ask me now, if I was guaranteed to get the same children, would go back and take the traditional route of university, followed by marriage, starting a career and then children? Honestly, I never would because I would lose some of the best parts of myself. The separation while my children's Dad finished university made us and I stronger as a couple; the struggle to complete my degree with two small children made me a more competent and skilled person. That time allowed me to be fully present in my children's early years of life: to nurture their individual talents, to guide them to make the best choices they can, to advocate for them as they learn to trust their own voices, to pick them up when things go wrong and support them to try again. Hopefully, I have set them up for a lifetime of success by modelling the very things missing from my own early childhood experiences.
These nine years changed me from a painfully shy girl who was angry at the world to a semi-confident and (mostly!) rational woman, who regularly speaks to rooms full of people. It might not come naturally yet, but I can at least push through social discomfort to keep learning and growing into who I was destined to become. Going straight to university would have deprived me of the 'mum friends' (and the dads too!) who gave me community, friendship and more laughs that I can remember. Where would I be without my best friend Zoe? Without the friends who become my support network in my children's formative years and understand, without judgement, the struggles of motherhood? Without these nine years we would might never have meet or connected so deeply with five of our children's godparents, who our children are truly blessed to have watching out for them.
Without these nine years I never would have worked with Jackie D'Souza, a queen among teaching assistants, who will be the model for how I work with teaching assistants in my classroom. I wouldn't have seen how my children were loved and nurtured and understood by the wonderful teachers they have been lucky to had. I wouldn't know of the struggle it takes to make it in teaching without watching my husband and sister-in-law take their first steps in to the field a little before me. I wouldn't have been given the opportunity to be a school governor or the chair of the PTA or run my own childminding business. I would not have been present in these many roles to see how the head teachers I've had the privilege know personally and professionally tirelessly strive to improve the lives of the children in their schools, each with their own style and grace.
That is not to say that I am not guilty of the what-if game, I often wonder what kind of person I would be without all these people in my life. I wonder if after doing things the "normal way" I would be ready to be a teacher or if they would even want me as the person I was... I'll never know but I have a feeling I know the answer. However, like this post, some things that start off as one thing- like a job announcement- might become something even better; like a dedication to the people I found among the way.
